I'll probably develop this further but since it came up today I'll post one of Ursula's latest posts followed by my reply. I'm sure we all relate to this tussle. And it has paralysed the operation of the Living Church for centuries.
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Ursula writes:
Its been a long, hard month and a half. The attack has been at its highest yet...and I never expected it to come in the way it did. Was it tough, yes. Was it a blessing? Yes. You see a few things came to light...
1. I have friends who have given me a place to stay and even organised a job for me....I'm blessed.
2. Some not so nice parts of my character came to light...I've learned.
3. I have learned that I have not enough love....and need to seep myself in His love...so His love flows through me...because its difficult for me to love those who attack me so fiercely...
4. I have learned to forgive. Jesus reminded me....I have been forgiven much...out of that place - I can forgive...and let go.
5. I have had many Jesus encounters...of love and my ministry has soared.
I can't count the amount of Jesus encounters I've had. The people God has brought across my path...the taxi driver, the woman in the supermarket, the bookshop...the man sleeping in a doorway...where God has allowed me to be a blessing...to share His love. Such a privilege.
Looking for a church, in a new area - I found two little churches. I thought I was going to get blessed....the Holy Spirit used me to pour out on them. We think we are empty, but in reality we are not. The more we give - the more we receive.
Yesterday two really incredible things happened. Firstly I went to a little Nigerian Church. I walked into big smiling African faces...and three of them belonging to the most delightful little children. One ended up on my lap...and before long this little person was fast asleep...and I sat through a service with this little one on my lap. After the service...I shared a prophetic word with the pastor and his wife...and tears flowed. As I held their hands and prayed for them...and reminded them that "Jesus Sees" - and held her in my arm as she cried - I got to be a messenger of the Most High God...and grace, love and healing flowed. We talked about how home is where other Christians are...see...how can you not be at home when someone's child is snoring softly on your lap? How blessed am I? Later, the pastor called it a 'Divine Connection' - I agree. It has Jesus written all over it. What a privilege to be used by Jesus.
Later that evening...it was dark, and I walked through the town. I came across a man, covered in newspapers in a doorway. I thought he was asleep, but he wasn't. He moved. I backtracked, bent down and asked him if he was hungry. He was. So I crossed the street to KFC, and bought him the biggest KFC meal I could find. I think, in fact, it was called the Big Daddy meal! How ironic is that? I returned, and there he was, he had stacked all the papers neatly, he had tidied up...and was sitting up waiting. I felt like I had just been invited to a banquet. I gave him his food, and prayed a blessing over him...and I walked away having been given a bigger gift than I gave. He taught me. Humility...and thankfulness. I was humbled. Love in the gutter...is real love.
And at the end of an evening...pastors of another church thank me. They say I've brought much wisdom into a hard decision they are making. I don't think I have...and I think...God must have given me words to bless that I did not even know. It sure wasn't me. My heart goes out...its not easy being a pioneer on the frontlines.
I listen to the taxi driver ask me where Santa Claus comes into the Christian faith...and I want to cry. How did we let it get to a place where Santa is a part of the bible...a part of this beautiful Jesus? I don't have a problem with Santa, I have a problem with Santa being part of the gospel.
I listen to a taxi driver (taxi drivers and I tend to have long conversations) ask me why the church teaches against adultry and the love of money....yet these are the very places all the leaders he has been under in the church have fallen? He doesn't believe anymore. I apologise. 'I'm sorry', I say, ' we the church did this to you. Its our fault. We misrepresented God. I'm so sorry.' Then I told him of a God of love, grace and real power. He stops when we get to our destination, turns off the ignition, and listens for 15 more minutes. He tells me what I'm telling him is true, and 'deep'. I got out the car....and I cried. For what we have done, through years of church believing in works, and turning God into a fable - a comfortable theory. We have this unique opportunity to love...this unique opportunity to teach...this unique honor to heal....so show Love's face to a dying world...yet we forget - we are His representation on earth....we bring heaven down to earth...or legalism and judgement.
Mid January I've been asked to preach at a church for their 'Outreach Service' - I wanted to say no. But I didn't. Jesus told me I'd have an itinerant preaching ministry in the UK...I don't feel ready. I didn't expect it to come so fast. I have nothing to offer, but Jesus has everything to offer. And I'm just willing to be a vessel. Thats my hearts cry. Where I have nothing to say - that He would give me His words. Then I can't go wrong. A few other opportunities have raised their heads...sooner than I feel ready, and I remember a friend once tell me...you will never feel ready. I aslo know, and have peace...that now is the time. I don't have even half the amount of money I need to survive till next pay day - I'm excited to see how He supplies!
I'm out of my comfort zone...and loving it. Its the unbelievers that are teaching me....that are humbling me. Its Love...and a great big God....we are just a little people....and He is a great big God...who deigns to love us. How honoured are we?
I love you all....blessings on you all.
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My reply
Good to read your stuff again.
The last few months has forced me to analyze/ become aware of these 2 things running side by side.
1 the process of growth
2 our Melchizedek linkage from Day One with the Living -Now -Jesus.
And they're both simultaneously true.
We can never say we're not ready.
Like the fig tree which Jesus cursed.
Because life has to do with plugging into either 1 spirit or another Spirit...if we are connected to Jesus, in a mysterious way we are always ready...cos it's Him and He's always ready. This is a mystery and runs completely counter to our human idea of building up enough left-brain learning to be considered expert enough on a subject to be able to deliver it.
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The embarrassing truth is.... so often the biggest sins are going on...then repentances...and letting Jesus pick us up again....then what do you know? He's off using us again, with the most specific prophecies, or the most glorious love acts which you describe here.
The world look on scoffingly and deride us as using grace to cover our failures. But the truth is hidden deep in the hearts of people, places too deep for the world to see....our heart directions are basically for the Kingdom....just as it was for David in the Bible....we just keep humbling ourselves before God, returning to Him...as it is written "In returning and rest shall you be saved". Ed Miller taught us that one. This also runs counter to our flesh, because when we fail our flesh wants to try twice as hard before returning to God. Our flesh does not like us returning empty handed to God. Our flesh likes steps up to temples.. ( In the tabernacle there were none)Our flesh likes to bring the fruit of its labours like Cain's corn....not Abel's lamb...the Jesus Lamb who was slain for us.
So keep on keeping on girl!!
Just realise that anything Jesus happens to do through us , says nothing about us as "independant beings". You are not Ursula the Power ministry descended from a power book comic....you are simply a vessel who every so often actually lets Jesus get on and live His life through you....if anything, more so after you have failed!!!!!
1 comment:
Dang-ee, but there's a lot of power in what you and Ursula are writing!! I'm sat here at work, desperately trying to contain all the bells the Holy Spirit is ringing in my spirit. If I was at home, I hope I would be soaking and seeking having read it! Maybe I can do that this evening :)
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