Newscaster Mission Statement
We at the BBC News commit ourselves to using Our Left-brain frontal lobe articulation skills trained to the highest level at both Oxford and Cambridge Universities
To provide you the tax-payer with accurate factual unemotional unprejudiced reporting of both national and world news
of the subjects that are most horrific, most repulsive, negative, devoid of any charity,hope or common decency.
We will report these things to fulfil our symbiotic relationship with the viewer's hunger for depravity, secularism and low vision of both man and government, such that after our half hour or full hour programmes none have any inspiration to continue to work faithfully and pursue honest lives of vision and purpose.
We promise to relent in the last minute of our programmes and provide one lighter moment involving a cat , dog, or funny but meaningless incident in order that no one accuse us of being one-sided.
We accept no responsibility for any destruction our continual reporting of rape ,murder ,incest, cheating, and poor government that our programmes may cause. As a primarily unemotional left-brain format we seek to address this small portion of the public that can retain endless negative facts listed unapologetically in quick succession. We are totally unaware of those others who respond emotionally in a burden-bearing capacity to each individual act of bloody agression and injustice towards the normal man in the street , to the poor and defenceless; so we will continue with our list of the day's worst events undeterred.Without comment. Without soul. Without the faintest reference to the existence of any moral code whatever.
We hope by our actions to so lower the expectations of the public that life be in any way peaceful, positive, and filled with hope, in order by this means to spread our cynical secular gospel: Indeed that there is no hope. This is how life is. And you were foolish to ever think that any other form of existence is possible.
This last 12 months we have sought to crown our achievements by reporting the very worst aspects of Britain and the whole world's economy and by it to have severely worsened the market here and abroad. Success has bought us further time on air to continue the downward spiral. As public paid servants providing what you the tax-payer wish for, ofcourse we can accept no part of the responsibility for any further damage that our one-sided negative financial reporting may have caused. The tax-payer bears the brunt of this for asking for negative news in the first place. We are here only to provide what is requested.
This has been a spoof. AC Welch 23rd August 09
Penny Haslam on Money Box (BBC Radio 4) discusses the relationship between news reporting and the recession.
This report was inspired by some words Paul Butcher preached today at Havant Church.
4 comments:
Good points! Do you think that one of the reasons people are drawn to bad news is because it spurs something in them to fix it? Good news has less of a pull to motivate it seems as there is nothing to fix. Or does it? Which could be one reason why so many religious focus on the negative. That way there is something to get busy to fix and do. . . Hmmm. What really motivates a person?
very interesting point.Our brains are geared toward problem solving. One reasoon many retired die quickly unless properly prepared for the change of life.
On the other hand
1.if loads of people switch over when the news is on because they cannot take it psychologically, it's kind of shooting itself in the foot.
2.Also it is good to remind secular people that "neutrality" does not exist. The Bible puts it this way "Whatsoever is not of faith is sin".This is ofcourse not the same as saying all news has to be positive. It is saying bad news conveyed by an unbeliever, even in an absolutely neutral tone, is still not neutral and has a psychologically depressing effect...because essentially it is not presenting an accurate view of the universe which was created by the God of hope.
not a late reply or anything!
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