Darin and Robert talk to Darin’s friend Heidi Venie from Alaska. Heidi’s an ex-worship leader who left the institutional world almost one year ago.
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She discusses her path in the wild and how God is healing her from spiritual abuse. Heidi represents thousands of ex-worship leaders who decided to live in the wild rather than succumb to a system that promotes performance over authentic worship.Heidi has a unique perspective on the heart of God. She isn’t a person who bought into the teachings of organized religion and had to relearn God’s heart when she got out. Heidi knew the truth about God’s heart long before she left church. She has a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. You’ll enjoy her heart in this conversation.
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Darin and Heidi discuss the last two podcast shows and the reaction of some of her old church members to it. People took it personally and some were quite angry. Heidi opens up about how liberating it was for her to finally stand up and tell her story. There is a power that comes upon each of us when we stand up and proclaim our story to others without regard for personal consequences. Many of us have been raised in a religious world where “talking” about certain things or just plain speaking our mind is forbidden. We have been taught to shut our mouths and go with the flow. The moment we stand up and proclaim the truth in any situation, there will be division. Truth divides. The power to bring freedom to ourselves and others rests in whether or not we are willing to speak the truth.
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Darin, Aimee and Heidi Venie talk about how difficult it is for the inner part of us to embrace and live by the truth about God’s heart while the outer voice of religion speaks lies and manipulation. Heidi talks about how she learned to do just that while serving as a worship leader in a local church. This is technically part 4 of the earlier interviews Darin did with Heidi when she was in town from Alaska. This is such a great conversation that is beneficial to both Free Believers and people who are seeking truth. Learning to listen to and trust our heart over our head is a life long assignment for everyone of us. Comments from page 3 of FBN podcast site
Heidi, I have the utmost respect for you! It is so important that those of us who have been there, or are there know that we are not alone. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there, taking the risk to share your heart and set others free.
Ringtales
Sep 09, 2010yep, i still get the "the service was AWESOME!" adverts, yaaaaaaaaaawn! been there done that! literally got the program over and over and over again, i KNOW how much of it is bogus, sheer imprisoning religion Heidi, bless the gentle Beauty of your heart, the enduring Kindness of your soul, you have strengthened my Hope this morning. Thanks Darin.
Warren Aldrich
Sep 09, 2010Heidi, I cried when you were talking about your abuse by that church and losing your child and not being cared for by your husband and church. It pisses me off that you were not taken care of, and you put it well when you describe it as "rape." No wonder this is still raw to you. To my sorrow I also abandoned my wife and kids for ministry many times and for many years working at a Bible school/church. I pray that God continue to heal the hurt and bless you with his love. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably. Warren
Carol
Sep 13, 2010It is hard listening to these podcasts because it hits so close to home. Heidi, I feel your pain and share in your desire to tell your story that will help others to freedom. My family and I are still walking through the healing process of so many yrs. of abuse that totally changed us and left us bleeding and dying. Thank you Heidi for having the courage to speak out and thank you Darin for the presenting a "safe" place for people to speak. When you receive criticisms just remember all of us out here who are finding our heart and voice from sharing this journey w/ you.
Starla
Sep 13, 2010Amiee..LOL "Gag reflex"..that is beautiful...I am sooo there with ya! hahaha loved it!
Deb C.
Sep 13, 2010Heidi I'm sure you will receive a lot of flack from your old church for doing this, but rest assure that many more people will be helped by this. When I stood up and gave my story, my pastor called me a liar and the people in my church acted like I was a pagan satan worshipper. 6 years later most of those people have left that church and contacted me to thank me because what I did, set the pace for them. I think pastors wouldn't do half of the stuff they do if they knew for sure that people would talk. You go girl. Thanks.
L.J.
Oct 16, 2010yes, the weekly gig... I hope God has a plan of restoration from all this... thanks for this.. so much more I could say... but just don't wanna type it.. C u...
Tony
Oct 16, 2010I could so totally relate with many of the things that Heidi described; former worship leader, etc. -- many of the "performance points" were unspoken rules, observed and mimicked by others . . . i.e. you have to somewhat follow the model, even if you're different. You can't coax folks to worship, if they are not feeling it ... the "song selection" was always a pain, it had to be just perfect. There were some brilliant moments of "corporate worship or praise" but not enough.
denise
Oct 16, 2010Right on! blessings to you! it's soo awesome to hear you speak out truth!!! Rock on !!!! God is soo awesome! He loves us soooo much....we don't have to fake it...JUST be who God made us to be and no 1 else!
Amy
Oct 18, 2010Lots and lots to chew on... woow weeeee!! :) Been having the same conversations you guys with my hub.. what does it look like now? Can I share what might seem like a really silly picture? I totally dig that movie The Matrix... and more and more religion represents the Matrix to me. So my question to God has been, "Do You send people back into the Matrix, to offer the message of freedom, grace, and the Father's heart?" I wonder if there ARE those that have the grace and the love in their hearts to go and, in a sense, be freedom fighters and go in and share freedom with people that are ready for that message. I have been asking God about that one.. A person that is like a Neo or a Trinity that knows the system, but isn't a part of the system. I don't know. Just some ideas popping around in my head. In my walking this area out, I have come to a huge revelation that I am created to connect with God and people through music. I thrive in it.. I adore it... it so moves me in deep ways.
Amy
Oct 18, 2010Music IS such a powerful vehicle! And personally, I have been on the hunt for "freedom" music. Music of grace, of unconditional love, of being included and in complete relationship with God, of Christ dwelling within, and walking that out.. I have so so wanted that and been seeking that out for myself. And I think it would be so amazing for artists, and worship leaders to begin to write songs in the midst of their journeys to freedom in Christ... in the wild. How cool that would be? Aimz, I loved what you shared about that No Condemnation song being an anchor... music is so that for me too. I can listen to a particular song and it brings back floods of memories and feelings of when I first heard it, you know? Anywho, Darin, Heid, and Aimz.. you 3 have totally rattled me, and got some gears churning.. thankyou for sharing.. love you guys so much!
Amy
Oct 19, 2010P.S. Would so love love to hear from other musicians/worship leaders on this topic. I don't know anyone that is here in this space. What is God unfolding for other people in this area? Would so love to hear! :)
Aida
Oct 19, 2010I thought it was a great point that worship can be expressed in many ways and I could really relate to Darin’s comment about sermons being worship for him. Although I was never a pastor, thoughts and concepts come alive as I verbalize them so I’ve always enjoyed teaching and public speaking. Writing and music just don’t satisfy that inward desire for me and, since I rarely have face to face contact with other free believers, I always tend to feel bottled up. As a result, when I do finally get a chance to talk to someone who knows where I’m coming from, it all comes out at one time and I tend to talk non-stop. Heidi said that she didn’t know if she’s ever going to have a chance to worship as she had before and I’ve come to the same conclusion. Part of me feels very lost because I can’t worship in the way I was created and it’s possible I may never be able to. That’s still hard for me to accept but it is what it is so I do what I can even though I always feel somewhat unsatisfied.
Shannon Brown
Oct 19, 2010I wasn't a worship leader, but was the go-to person for the lastest Christian music. I would make mix cds of songs that spoke to my heart and share them with whoever wanted them in my church and elsewhere. Occasionally I would play a song that was on my heart during a service. Music was huge in my life and still is...for me it expresses what is deep in my heart that I am not able to put into words. I encourage Heidi and whoever else has it on their hearts to make music that is full of hope and freedom. This kind of music is needed! Like Heidi, as I read over things I wrote while still in religion, I find His love and freedom underneath the confusion and despair. My heart knew there had to be something more to this life with Him, but I couldn't find it where I was at. Not until I left it all behind, did I find who He really is. It has been very healing to hear your story Heidi...thank you so much for sharing it.
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