Yes I Am by Norman Grubb
Chapter 26
YES, I AM
I have to say again and again that this union life is different from a committed, dedicated relationship to Christ in which we still see ourselves as two and thus are occupied in depending on Him and receiving from Him the immediate supplies for life. Union is different. It is radical because I have stepped right over the line into "Him as me" as well as acknowledging "Him in me." Yes, He is in me; I am I and He is He. We are two - yet that’s not what I live by. It is union - and in the union He is so much my all, and I nothing, that I live with Him as me! I talk the language of Him being the one thinking, choosing, acting - when it is really I. Enormous, glorious paradox! I thus speak of "replacement."
Less than that is still short of a union leap. I may be saying "I have all - I in Him and He in me," but I’m having to keep closing a gap. Here am I, here is He - and He’s doing these things for me: providing power, grace, victory, faith... and I receiving them. But this is not the same as you or I experiencing them all as me. No gap there!
If Self was an independently powered soul unit you may have been able to squash it underfoot with enough pressure and effort !!!! But it's not. We have to go behind the scenes to where the real power source is. SPIRIT. That is why Jesus admires John the Baptist under the Old Covenant. But in the new scheme of things,and an actual change of owner operator, he would be considered the very least in the kingdom of heaven under this old form of Operating license.
This is why I gave this book the title of YES, I AM. It sounds bold and boastful, and is meant to be, because this is the missing truth about ourselves which is restored only in this union reality. We had, as selves, to go through the process of deceived self, then through self dead to sin and Satan, and thus pass out of self-condemnation into where the central fact now is, He is fully formed in us (Gal. 4:19). But thereby we discover right self. The whole purpose of God is that we should be the total persons by whom He can express His total self. So back we come again. Probably when we first experience our union reality it is He whom we are seeing and rejoicing about - He in us, as us. But then the further light dawns. We are real persons and are meant to be, just as a head can be in action only through its body. We rise and shine for our light has come. And how can we now accept and love ourselves as Jesus told us we must? Because we now know that He loves and accepts us to the total degree that He has made us His permanent abode. "The life I now live in the flesh," Paul confidently said, "I live by the faith-recognition that He has loved me and given Himself for me." So I then surely can love myself. If I’m good enough for Him, then I’m good enough for myself. This is something really new and fresh when it comes to us. At least it was to me. I am to drop those belittling, downgrading statements about myself. If I am an earthen vessel, it doesn’t mean earthy in a derogatory sense, but "human"; and He was human, and God was manifested in that humanity.
So I am no longer a wretched man, but a whole (and holy) man. I am to be myself! Unafraid. Yes, I am, and like Paul, I can do all things in Christ, as Christ. I am well able (like Caleb). I’m full of power and of judgment and of might (like Micah). I am my Beloved’s and His desire is toward me (as His spouse) (S. of S. 7:10).
Once the Savior knew at His baptism that the moment of His commissioning had come as the Christ of God, He never once hesitated in saying, "I am…", "I am...", "I am..."; and they crucified Him for it. And I must not hesitate to be my "I am." If I am now an equipped, anointed, indwelt son of God, I say so. Yes, I am.
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